'xXx: Return Of Xander Cage' Trailers: Vin Diesel Breaks A Gun And Wishes Us A Merry Freakin' Christmas

Wait, what? Vin Diesel casually breaks a gun over his thigh like it’s nothing? That’s some next level Bo Jackson shit right there. Okay, xXx: Return of Xander Cage, if you didn’t already have my attention, you sure as hell do after the latest in a line of absurd trailers.

I’m someone who enjoys…no, I’m someone who adores terrible action movies, but even think xXx sucks. Anarchy ’99 might be the best name for a group of villains ever, but that movie is just atrocious, so bad it’s not even fun. Still, somehow, even after the disastrous Ice Cube-starring sequel that was even worse, xXx: Return of Xander Cage is on the way. And this trailer confirms that, yes, this is actually happening and, no, that first trailer wasn’t just a fever dream.

And if that’s not enough, another new video from the U.K. wishes us all a “Merry Freakin’ XXXMas!”

If nothing else, xXx: Return of Xander Cage is a testament to the fact that Vin Diesel can do anything he damn well puts his mind to. He might be the only human alive who wanted another installment of this franchise, but I’m glad he did, because this looks bugnuts fucking insane.

Sure, this time the titular extreme-sports-star-turned-international-spy (or whatever the hell he’s supposed to be) doesn’t ski in the jungle, but there is more footage of him riding a motorcycle over water, which is totally physically possible. (Wait, is Xander Cage X-treme Sports Jesus? Did I just figure out the twist?)

These trailers also doubles down on what may be the best line in the history of cinema, Samuel L. Jackson saying, “Kick some ass, get the girl, and try to look dope while you’re doing it.”

If you care about plot (really?), here’s a synopsis:

After coming out of self-imposed exile, daredevil operative Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) must race against time to recover a sinister weapon known as Pandora’s Box, a device that controls every military satellite in the world. Recruiting a new group of thrill-seeking cohorts, Xander finds himself entangled in a deadly conspiracy that points to collusion at the highest levels of government.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage also has an insane cast. In addition to Diesel and Jackson, legendary badasses Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa show up. Then there’s Toni Collette, Deepika Padukone, Rory McCann, Ruby Rose, Nina Dobrev, and more.

I really can’t tell if this is the kind of movie that knows exactly what it is and had fun with it, or if they play it straight, or which I prefer. Either way, when xXx: Return of Xander Cage hits theaters on January 19, 2017, it’s going to be some kind of spectacle.