You've Got To Be Kidding Me, Dwayne Johnson To Star In 'Big Trouble In Little China' Remake

I love Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I don’t usually get too bent out of shape about the endless parade of remakes and reboots. That’s just the lay of the land in the current movie world, I’ve accepted this fact. But come the fuck on, Dwayne Johnson is now starring in a remake of Big Trouble in Little China. For fuck’s sake. (Just a warning, there’s going to be much more bad language after this.)

According to The Wrap, the beefy star of San Andreas and the Fast & Furious movies is going to play the lead in an upcoming remake of John Carpenter’s 1986 classic. Johnson is working on a deal to play Jack Burton, a big rig driver who, “gets dragged into a centuries-old mystical battle in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Yeah, that’s the plot of Big Trouble in Little China, what’s the fucking point?

If anyone can pull off the wry, sarcastic sense of humor and bravado embodied by Kurt Russell in the original, I guess maybe it’s the Rock, maybe (I’m trying to be positive, I really am). And sure they both appear in Furious 7, but the Rock is no Kurt Russell. People talk a lot about remakes and rehashes ruining their childhood, but this one might finally accomplish this feat for me.

There aren’t any other details, aside from the fact that the team that wrote Thor and X-Men: First Class (Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz) are handling the script, and that Johnson will also produce, but you can bet that every last tidbit of news that hits the airwaves will continue to make me very, very sad.