'Fast Five' Movie Review

There’s a running theory in my house that The Rock, also known as Dwayne Johnson (sorry buddy, but you’ll always be The Rock to me), and Vin Diesel are actually the same being. Like they’re different versions of the same dude from parallel dimensions, or some sci-fi trope like that. They make similar movies. Couldn’t you imagine Diesel playing the protagonist in “Faster”, or The Rock with silly looking sunglasses bouncing around space in the “Riddick” movies. Even the children’s films they do, like “The Pacifier” (Diesel) and “The Toothfairy” (Rock), could have gone either way. Now before you get your panties in all twisted in a fit of rage and start bombarding the comment section with snarky notes about how I’m obviously a dumbass who has never seen a movie before, I’m just trying to say that I imagine that there are a lot of casting lists in Hollywood with these guys in spots one and two, that’s all.

'Swedish Sensationsfilms: A Clandestine History of Sex, Thrillers, and Kicker Cinema' Book Review

When you think of Sweden you probably imagine the picturesque Scandinavian countryside, universal healthcare, and buxom young blond women, who, at least as portrayed by every sitcom of the 1980, are ditzy and easy. What you may not know, however, is that Sweden also has a long history of underground, sex fueled, out of control sexploitation films. In 1911 Sweden established the world’s first national film censorship board, which set off a century long battle between proprietors of sleaze and mayhem, the public, and the government.

DVD/Blu-ray Review: 'The King's Speech'

The Movie:

Over the past few months I’ve said many times, in many places, that I’m sure “The King’s Speech” is a wonderfully-acted, well-crafted motion picture, but one that I have absolutely no interest in. So now it’s on DVD and Blu-ray, and I figured, what the hell, I’ll watch anything once, and you know what? “The King’s Speech” is exactly what you expect. It is a wonderfully acted, well-crafted period piece. It practically screams, “Give me an Oscar, sweet baby Jesus I want an Oscar!” And oh my god is it fucking boring. You should take this with a grain of salt, after all my favorite movie of 2010 was “Piranha 3D”, but I imagine most of you who read this site on a regular basis share similar proclivities. Maybe that assumption is incorrect, but I doubt it, and I don’t see what all the fuss is about.

'Hanna' Movie Review

In “Hanna” a young girl, oddly enough named Hanna, lives a simple existence in a cabin in the woods with her doting father. That sounds nice and picturesque, right? Not exactly. The title character (Saoirse Ronan) is a pale, and I mean looks-like-a-ghost pale, 16 year old that lives a life similar to that of an arctic ninja. She hunts with a homemade bow and arrow, chases down wounded animals, and her father, Erik Heller (former stand up comedian Eric Bana), randomly sneaks up and attacks her just to test her reflexes and preparedness. She may be gutting a dead deer, or sound asleep in the middle of the night, it doesn’t matter. He’s likely to spring when least expected, to keep her on her toes, even when unconscious.